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Thursday, December 27, 2007
Polish Divorce
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrangea divorce for him - "very quick."
The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"
POLISH: "JA, JA, acre and half and nice little home."
LAWYER: "No," I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
POLISH: "It made of concrete."
LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"
POLISH: "No, we have carport, and not need one."
LAWYER: "I mean, What are your relations like?"
POLISH: "All my relations still in Poland."
LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
POLISH: "Ja, we have hi- fidelity stereo set and good DVD player."
LAWYER: Does your wife beat you up?"
POLISH: "No, I always up before her."
LAWYER: "Is your wife a nagger?"
POLISH: "No, she white."
LAWYER: "WHY do you want this divorce?"
POLISH: "She going to kill me."
LAWYER: "What makes you think that?"
POLISH: "I got proof.LAWYER: "What kind of proof?"
POLISH: "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put onshelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say,
'Polish Remover'."
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrangea divorce for him - "very quick."
The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"
POLISH: "JA, JA, acre and half and nice little home."
LAWYER: "No," I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
POLISH: "It made of concrete."
LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"
POLISH: "No, we have carport, and not need one."
LAWYER: "I mean, What are your relations like?"
POLISH: "All my relations still in Poland."
LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
POLISH: "Ja, we have hi- fidelity stereo set and good DVD player."
LAWYER: Does your wife beat you up?"
POLISH: "No, I always up before her."
LAWYER: "Is your wife a nagger?"
POLISH: "No, she white."
LAWYER: "WHY do you want this divorce?"
POLISH: "She going to kill me."
LAWYER: "What makes you think that?"
POLISH: "I got proof.LAWYER: "What kind of proof?"
POLISH: "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put onshelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say,
'Polish Remover'."
Monday, December 24, 2007
Joke for the day - Fishing Shop
A woman goes into a store to buy a fishing rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't
know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.
The salesman is standing there, wearing dark glasses.
She says "Excuse me - can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Madam, I'm completely blind but if you'll drop it on the counter I can tell you everything
you need to know about it from the sound it makes."
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says "That's a two meter Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 5-kg. Test line.
It's a good all around combination and it's on sale this week for $44."
She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter,
I'll take it!"
As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
"Oh, That sounds like a Visa Card" says the salesman.
As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts. At first she is really
embarrassed but then realizes there is no way the blind salesman could tell it was she who had farted.
The salesman rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $58.50 please."
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me it was on sale for $44?
How did you get to $58.50?"
"The Duck Caller is $11 and the Fish Bait is $3.50."
know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.
The salesman is standing there, wearing dark glasses.
She says "Excuse me - can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Madam, I'm completely blind but if you'll drop it on the counter I can tell you everything
you need to know about it from the sound it makes."
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says "That's a two meter Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 5-kg. Test line.
It's a good all around combination and it's on sale this week for $44."
She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter,
I'll take it!"
As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
"Oh, That sounds like a Visa Card" says the salesman.
As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts. At first she is really
embarrassed but then realizes there is no way the blind salesman could tell it was she who had farted.
The salesman rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $58.50 please."
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me it was on sale for $44?
How did you get to $58.50?"
"The Duck Caller is $11 and the Fish Bait is $3.50."
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